Infinite Space

William Shakespeare is the 99%

2011-10-20T13:04:00.000-07:00

Kindle for the Web

2010-09-28T15:18:00.001-07:00

AmazonEncore, Part Four

2010-08-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

Sorry about the delay in continuing the AmazonEncore thread. We had a whole bunch of stuff going on, some of which was good and some of which wasn't, but things have settled down and everything's getting back to normal here at Infinite Space central.

And now, back to our topic. AmazonEncore and how A King of Infinite Space was made it into their initial lineup of publications.

After the frenzy of online activity that came with the World Parade Release and the subsequent Amazon push, I settled into a more sedate and manageable routine. I maintained the AKoIS Facebook group, blogged on a weekly basis, and arranged as many signings, readings, and other book related events as I could manage. This kept a fair amount of traffic on the book's Amazon page, and the sales settled down to steady and satisfactory (by small press standars) pace. In this phase of the process, one of the most important things I was able to do was to develop a solid number of favorable reader reviews. This turned out to be instrumental in the next stage of the process.

A few months after the book's release on Amazon, while I was trying to maintain the book's momentum, I heard that Amazon was going to start its own publishing imprint, and that a significant portion of its new titles would be selected from among the independent and small press titles using Amazon's Print-On-Demand services. Sales and reviews would have a significant influence in the selection process.

Immediately I began to think about ways to increase the book's performance. I planned another Amazon push, and began writing a posting for the blog and Facebook group to urge readers to write more reviews. While I was working on this, though, Paul Tayyar called me and told me AmazonEncore wanted to pick up A King of Infinite Space. I couldn't believe the news. Just as was developing strategies to attract Amazon's attention, I discovered that I already had.

AmazonEncore has been terrific to work with, and I feel very fortunate to be a part of their lineup of authors. They do a great job of combining traditional publishing with new digital technologies. I'm very pleased with the trade paperback version of A King of Infinite Space, and who better to partner with in terms of e-publishing than the people who invented the Kindle?

AmazonEncore, Part Three

2010-08-01T12:05:00.000-07:00

Knowing that World Parade Books was a very small press, I was aware that I would need to do most of the marketing of the book myself. I did a bit of research, and I learned quickly that my best bet for attracting an audience for the book would be to focus most of my attention on online social networking.

World Parade produced an initial print of a few hundred copies, and decided that for subsequent demands, it would use Amazon's print-on-demand services. This would allow them to place the book much more easily on Amazon's website and offer a number of other advantages and would prove to be instrumental in our later deal with AmazonEncore.

Because I knew that most of our sales would be coming through Amazon's website, I focused my attention on sending potential buyers in that direction. I used Facebook extensively, and other websites such as Goodreads to a smaller degree, to promote AKoIS. I was very concerned about my profiles becoming nothing but advertisement, so I made a very concerted effort to post the same kinds of material as I was posting before beginning to promote the book, and to be sure that the majority of postings that I made were actually about things other than the book. Still, though, I did post quite a bit about AKoIS. I tried to use humor and a very self-aware approach to plugging the book. Based on feedback, most of my online network seemed to appreciate this, and the self-deprecating tone I tried to maintain in regard to what I often referred to as "shameless self-promotion" softened the salesmanship to a degree that I believe was very effective.

One of the key strategies I used in the marketing of AKoIS was what's often called an "Amazon push" or an "Amazon bomb." This is an organized event in which you gather as many buyers as you can to purchase a particular item on Amazon within a given time frame, usually on a particular day. The push I organized for AKoIS was a success and drove the sales rankings very high.

In addition to the push, I organized a Facebook group. I chose to do a group rather than a fan page because I felt more comfortable asking people to join a group than I did asking them to become my fans. The distinction is not large, but to me it's significant. If I'm in a group with people who like the book, it's a different dynamic than if I am the subject of fan page. The idea of being a member of the group rather than it's only focus is largely semantic, but it's a big part of the relationship I tried to establish with as many readers and other authors as I could.

To be continued . . .

AmazonEncore, Part Two

2010-07-23T14:47:00.000-07:00

So I had more or less exhausted all the options available to me at the time. What happened then? An incredibly lucky break.

I had been teaching English at California State University, Long Beach, for a few years. My office mate at the time, who also happened to be a poet, had just completed his PhD in Literature. After gaining some experience in publishing his own work with small presses, he decided to start his own. World Parade Books, founded by Paul Tayyar as a specialty poetry press, took off very quickly. So quickly, in fact, that only about a year after releasing his first titles, Paul decided he wanted to branch out and publish fiction. I had no idea of his plans, though, until one day he looked up from his desk, turned to face me, and said, "Hey, you have a novel manuscript, don't you?"

I did indeed.

A few weeks later he told me he wanted A KING OF INFINITE SPACE to be the first novel published by World Parade. I was, of course, thrilled.

There's something I find very hopeful about that experience, but something a bit troubling as well. At the end of the day, after I'd done everything I was supposed to do (written the best book I could, followed all the advice, landed an agent, etc.), I had still failed. My success only came because I knew someone. Because I had a connection. I don't, however, feel as bad about that as I once did.

Of all the changes in publishing that are being talked about today, the most important, at least from my perspective, is the increased ability of writers to make connections with people who can have a significant impact on our ability to find a readership for our work.

And while my connection with Paul came about the old fashioned way, many of the subsequent connections that made the success of AKoIS possible were the direct result of online social networking.

To be continued . . .

AmazonEncore

2010-07-18T16:46:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody,

I've had great big bunches of people ask me about AmazonEncore and all the ins and outs of who they are and what they're doing.

To start off, though, I want to tell you a bit about the history of A KING OF INFINITE SPACE. I started writing AKoIS quite a while ago when I was in the MFA program in fiction writing at California State University, Long Beach. The first third of the book was my thesis project. After I graduated, I spent about two more years working on the manuscript. When I finally had a draft of the completed novel I was reasonably happy with, I pursued the traditional avenues of publication. With THE NOVEL AND SHORT STORY WRITER'S MARKET in hand, I drafted a query letter, researched agents, and went on a submission spree. It took a bit of leg work and a lot of postage, but Maria Carvainis agreed to represent the novel. With her help, and with the help of the amazing Moira Sullivan, I undertook a set of revisions that improved the novel immensely and produced a version very close to the book that's now available.

Maria submitted the book many, many times, and received many, many rejections. Ultimately, there were no takers. She even told me that AKoIS was the best book that she had represented that she couldn't sell. She shared many of the publisher's responses with me and they were very positive in their remarks about the writing, but for one reason or another, it didn't meet anyone's needs. When she had exhausted all the avenues open to her, Maria regrettably let the book go.

Without an agent representing the book, my options were now more limited. I took another pass at the manuscript and did some minor polishing, but ultimately there was nothing to do--it was the book I wanted it to be. I submitted the book a few times on my own to a small house that took unsolicited submissions, but had no luck.

I didn't want to give up on the book, but I didn't know what other choices there were.

To be continued . . .

Big News

2010-07-12T13:39:00.000-07:00

Hey Everybody!

More good news from Amazon. After a post last week on the official Kindle blog, the Kindle edition of AKoIS has been posting some very impressive numbers. The new high point is #64 in Books > Literature & Fiction > Contemporary. That means AKoIS was #53 in among ALL of the contemporary fiction on Amazon!

Wow. I'm probably sounding like a broken record at this point, but thank you all very much. This wouldn't be happening without all of you loyal and true Infinite Spacers out there. You rock.

A few people have asked what they can do to help keep the momentum going. The most helpful thing you can do, if you haven't already done it, is to go to the AKoIS Amazon page and write a review. A little review has a big impact and will help keep the ball rolling.

Later this week, I'll be posting about the whole AmazonEncore experience. Stay tuned!

Two More Big Days

2010-06-30T20:41:00.000-07:00

So there was so much demand for A KING OF INFINITE SPACE that Amazon crashed! I shit you not, the store at Amazon was closed due to technical difficulties for several hours yesterday. When was the last time you visited Amazon and couldn't buy a book? Of course, they aren't saying it was AKoIS that caused the problems, but what else could it possibly have been? If you're reading this, then of course you know the amazing powers Infinite Spacers possess to rock the world. Remember our Amazon bomb last year? So even if the big A doesn't want to admit what really happened, we all know the truth.

But that was yesterday. Today everything was back online and going full steam ahead. The book's been climbing in the sales rankings all day and as of eight o'clock it was at #54 on the Police Procedurals bestseller list! Thank you, Infinite Spacers! You have made AKoIS a best seller! You guys seriously rock. Seriously.

The Big Day

2010-06-29T07:19:00.000-07:00

Hello Infinite Spacers!

Today is the day. A KING OF INFINITE SPACE is now available! Head on over to Amazon to check it out. And be sure to ask about in your local bookstore. I know a lot of you bought the World Parade edition. That's actually what got Amazon interested. I can't thank you enough for that. Could you do me one more solid now and help spread the word?

I'm going to keep this post brief, because it's been almost two minutes since I've checked my Amazon Sales Ranking. Talk to you soon.

One Day Left!

2010-06-28T20:41:00.000-07:00

Just one more day until the big re-release of A KING OF INFINITE SPACE. I gotta say, I'm bit nervous. The feeling like I'm I playing in a whole new league is pretty strong. Sports metaphors have never ben my strong suit, but I feel like I'm walking up to the plate and the first pitch is going to be coming my way before I know it. I've been preparing. Working on the website, getting the soundtrack contest rolling, trying to put together a few readings, even working a bit on the next Danny Beckett book. What else is there to do? Amazon is doing a lot. And I have to say I'm impressed by the good folks there. They really seem to know what they're doing. I'm warming up and getting ready to swing.

Wish me luck.

Contest!

2010-06-27T12:21:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody,

The first ever "Win an Autographed copy of A KING OF INFINITE SPACE Contest" is now up and running. Head on over to AKoIS Facebook Group for details about how to enter.

Good luck, everyone!

There's Yer Problem

2010-06-26T17:07:00.000-07:00

So I'm still plugging away at Stieg Larsson's THE GIRL WHO KICKED THE HORNET'S NEST. It's not getting any better, but I think I've figured the biggest problem with the book, and with the "Millennium Trilogy" itself. Each book in the series assumes that the reader has somehow gotten stupider since the last installment. THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO is written in such a way that a person with a normal level of intelligence will be able to understand it. THE GIRL WHO PLAYED WITH FIRE seems to be aimed at average high school dropouts, while HORNET'S NEST is clearly aimed utter morons. Lest you think I'm exaggerating, here's an actual line from the book: "six feet tall and weighed 150 pounds, which meant that he was thin and wiry." Am I overreacting? Call me on it if I am. But I honestly feel a little bit insulted.
I think I'm going to keep reading, though. I'm learning a lot. I haven't read a book that was genuinely horribly written for a long time. And I'm wondering if he can Lisbeth Salander intriguing again. We'll see.

More on the Amazon Essay

2010-06-25T15:18:00.000-07:00

The brilliant folks at Amazon have selected the second essay I posted below to include on my book page. I think they're banking on the marketing power of cuteness. They asked for the photo to go along with it, so I scanned it, and now I'm posting it just about anyplace I can get away with. People like the tie, but in my opinion, it's the plaid pants that make the ensemble work. I gotta give myself some props, though. Even at four years old I knew all the cool detectives had shoulder holsters.

By the way, I'm hoping someone out there will stop me from milking this too much.

Polished Turd

2010-06-24T23:05:00.000-07:00

I made the mistake of following up the extremely well-written THE PASSAGE with THE GIRLS WHO KICKED THE HORNET'S NEST. It's too soon to render a final judgment, but at this point I'm seriously thinking about abandoning the book altogether. Not only is the book witholding the only character I care anything about, Lisbeth Salander, but it's not even giving me much Mary Sue Blomqvist. Only a whole passel of indistinguishable thugs and cops who serve merely to spout exposition and do incredibly stupid things like refer to a Colt 1911 Government Model as a revolver. And the book has a really irritating chrome dust jacket that keeps reminding of the time the Mythbusters proved you actually can polish a turd. Should I hang it up?

Team Babcock

2010-06-22T14:36:00.000-07:00

I finished reading Justin Cronin's THE PASSAGE over the weekend. It's a very impressive piece of work, and one that's very engaging and absorbing. For the first time in recent memory, I actually stayed up (very) late to read. I honestly can't remember the last time I traded sleep for a book.

At the risk of hyperbole, I'm going out on a limb and saying THE PASSAGE is my new favorite postapocalyptic novel, right up there with (and maybe even topping) both THE ROAD and THE STAND. Maybe it's the zesty new freshness, or maybe it's just because this book has the potential to reclaim the contemporary vampire from all of the glimmery romantic TWILIGHT angst and reclaim his true and rightful monstrosity.

My one big regret--the novel's the first in a trilogy and according to Cronin's interview on Amazon, we have to wait two years for the next one. Dang.

Amazon Essay

2010-06-20T14:54:00.000-07:00

So the wonderful folks over at AmazonEncore have asked me to write a short essay that has something to with AKoIS. I couldn't decide what to do, but I took a couple of shots at it.

Essay 1

I don’t like to admit it, but I used to be a literary snob. As I prepared to enter graduate school for a master’s degree in English, I believed I’d put genre fiction--mysteries, science fiction, the whole lot of it--behind me. Literature with a capital L, that was the stuff for me. But when I happened upon a review of James Lee Burke’s novel In the Electric with Confederate Dead, everything changed. The article piqued my interest and when I headed down to my local Bookstar (remember them?) I sought out the book. It only took a few paragraphs to turn me into a convert. I tore through the rest of Burke’s novels, moved on to Lawrence Block’s Matt Scudder series, began to discover the hardboiled classics and haven’t looked back since.

What I discovered that summer was that I had been wrong about genre writing. James Lee Burke and those other extraordinary writers I discovered that summer showed me that mysteries could be every bit as literary as any other kind of novel. In grad school I even discovered a considerable body of literary criticism on Hammett and Chandler that helped me to reconcile the conflict between my affections for literary and genre fiction. The two categories, I was thrilled to discover, were not mutually exclusive (no matter how strongly many of my professors argued that they were). From Burke’s lyrically elegiac descriptions to Chandler’s searingly vivid depictions of Los Angeles, there is no arguing the literary merit of the best of the mystery genre.

As I was studying literature, I was also beginning to take my own fiction writing more seriously. I dabbled in short fiction in the Raymond Carver mode for a surprisingly long while before it occurred to me to try my hand at mysteries. But when I did, I never looked back.

When I’m asked about the beginnings of *A King of Infinite Space*, I can’t help but think about the review that sent me out in search in James Lee Burke and the discoveries that followed. Would I have ever come across them without it? I don’t the answer to that question. I probably would have, but I’m glad I don’t have to find out.

Essay 2

When I began writing *A King of Infinite Space*, I was in graduate school earning an MFA in fiction writing. As is the case in many such programs, there was a good deal of autobiographical introspection in the writing going on around me, and that was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to do something different. One of the primary reasons I’ve always loved reading is that it takes me away from myself and allows me to experience the lives of other people. What, I asked myself, could I credibly write about that was very different from my own experience?

My father was a Los Angeles deputy sheriff, and throughout most of my youth, I wanted to be a police officer. Although my career goals changed, I was left with a considerable amount of background knowledge that I felt I could put to good use. And it didn’t hurt that my favorite writers included the likes of James Lee Burke and Michael Connelly. It was settled, I thought. I’ll write a police procedural--I know enough about it (with a fair amount of research thrown in) to sound authoritative about it, and what could be farther from an English grad student’s personal experience than a story about investigating homicides?

I did decide to allow myself one autobiographical detail. My father died when I was very young, and I decided to have Danny Beckett, the novel’s protagonist share this experience. It would, I thought, give the two of us a bit of common ground and help me relate to the character.

As the writing and rewriting progressed, I felt a reassuring sense of distance from Danny, a sort of critical perspective that thought allowed me to shape and hone the character with a studied and intellectual reserve that seemed properly authorial and intellectual.

So it came as quite a surprise when the novel was finished and my friends and family began to read it. Danny sounds just like you, they said. I refused to accept this, so I interrogated them. One by one they pointed out details and ideas and jokes and phrases that they’d heard me express, usually more than once. And a few of those closest to me commented on the similarity of our voices and perspectives. Eventually, I had to admit it. They were right.

It was only recently, though, when I had the occasion to look through an old family photo album and saw a picture of myself at five or six years old, around the time of my father’s death. In it I wore a clip-on tie, a makeshift shoulder holster complete with cap gun, and an expression befitting the most serious of detectives. It was me I was looking at, but I couldn’t help thinking it might just as well have been Danny Beckett.

Any thoughts?

I've always thought Declan was a cool name

2010-06-19T09:27:00.000-07:00

Do you know the work of Irish crime novelist Declan Burke? You should, and not just because he has one of the coolest first names ever and the very same last name as his holiness, and not just because he's a damn good writer, but because he's got a brand spanking new Q&A up with yours truly over at his terrific blog, CRIME ALWAYS PAYS. Let's all go check it out, shall we?

Baby, we're back!

2010-06-18T16:49:00.000-07:00

Hello Infinite Spacers!

After a lengthy absence, for which we heartily apologize, we are back with big news! The new edition of AKOIS from AmazonEncore is just around the corner! You can pre-order it now, or wait a week and and half until the the official release date, June 29!

There's gonna be a whole bunch of hoopla, both online and at various locations around Southern California. Keep watching here or over in the official AKoIS Facebook group for more details.

Also, this blog is in the process of transforming itself in to the new and improved tylerdilts.com. So keep an eye out for shiny new design and content.

Talk to you soon!

Thank You

2009-06-27T00:23:00.001-07:00

A big fat Thank You to everyone who made it out to Borders in Long Beach for the reading tonight. Saw quite a few familiar faces, and I just have to give a few special shouts out to Jim and Sonay, both of whom I haven't seen in far too long a time. And one more for Brianna who really impressed my mom.

And I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything, but doesn't Borders usually provide a table to sit at for the signing portion of the evening? I felt kind of funny signing books standing up. And I know I'm really pushing it here, but isn't bad form to do a big announcement on the PA system while an author is reading? Okay, that's it for the downside. Everything else was really cool, and the guys who worked there were really terrific. And it felt really good to be the guy reading instead of the guy watching somebody else read in one of my favorite bookstores.

So one more time, thanks to everyone who made tonight a success! Next stop--the AKoIS Buying Event on July 1! I'll see everybody at high noon!

Deposition

2009-06-22T08:54:00.000-07:00

So like a year and a half ago, me and Dave and the rest of us were walking around Naples Island and just as we were coming back around to Second Street. A Toyota Prius clipped the rear end of a Ford Escape and the Escape flipped over onto it's roof and slid about a hundred feet. The Prius took off. A Hit-and-Run. Apparently everybody was okay. I was the only good citizen on the scene, though, the only one who gave my contact info to the responding officer.

Hence, today's deposition. Gotta go up to LA and talk about it. I'm worried because I don't even remember what I saw yesterday, let alone a year and a half ago. There's no way I can wind up in jail over this thing is there? Wish me luck!

Five Stars

2009-06-19T12:18:00.000-07:00

It's official, everybody. My first Amazon review is up, and AKoIS is not only rated five stars, but also the best book of the year! Here's the whole review:

"Tyler Dilts has created a masterpiece with his debut detective novel, A King of Infinite Space. Set in Long Beach, California, Detective Danny Beckett and Jen Tanaka must solve the case of a brutally-murdered English teacher. Through painful mastery of image, dream, characterization, and story telling, Tyler Dilts excels at showing the effects that murder cases have on the detectives investigating them. Using sadness as a measure for goodness, Dilts explores characters in a way that is true, whole, and touches deep down into the reality of a person. I highly recommend A King of Infinite Space not only to anyone who loves reading mystery novels but to anyone who can empathize with pain, loss, and the haunting quality of dreams."

Who says you shouldn't believe your reviews? Thanks, Alicia!

Stick It To The Man

2009-06-18T08:52:00.000-07:00

Hello Infinite Spacers!

Big news! The book is now available on Amazon! Woo Hoo! They tell us the whole process of including all of the bells and whistles and making the book fully available takes about ten days. We are in Day Three, but the book is already in stock and ready to go!

The long-awaited AKoIS Amazon Buying Event will take place in early July. Stay tuned for the exact date and details.

What, you might ask, is the AKoIS Amazon Buying Event?

First and foremost, it's a means of Increasing AKoIS's profile on Amazon, and as we know, higher profile=more sales.

Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, it's our valiant effort to further the democratization of publishing. By organizing an event such as this, when a large number of people agree to purchase a book on Amazon on the same day, we have a significant impact on sales numbers and cause the book to spike on Amazon's sales charts. This is a grass roots way of bypassing the publishing industry's marketing machine and showing the industry that what you want to read is more important than what they want you to read.

So by participating in the AKoIS Amazon Buying Event, you're not just getting a good book and doing me a solid, you're also sticking it to the man. And who doesn't want to stick it to the man?

And stay tuned, Infinite Spacers, because we'll be announcing the details of our first two (that's right, two!) contests very soon!

As always, thank you for all your support!

Whew!

2009-06-14T18:51:00.000-07:00

What a crazy week. For starters, it was the second week of summer school, the toilets backed up again, the refrigerator motor burned up, the termites came back, and I had two readings and conference.

Damn.

I'm tired. But I'm surprisingly revved up and raring to go, to. I'm gonna spend at least two hours working on the THE PAIN SCALE tomorrow. The California Crime Writers Conference in Pasadena got me really psyched. Listened to lots of people talk about lots of stuff, but mostly it was the two homicide detectives, Kevin Gomez (of the Pasadena Police Department) and Michael DePasquale (of the LAPD) who were incredibly gracious and generous, and who said enough and answered enough of my questions to really make me feel like I got enough right with Danny Beckett to keep it up (DePasquale even told a story about a detective bagging another cop's shoe as evidence at a crime scene to teach him a lesson! If that doesn't make sense, wait until you have a chance to read Chapter One of AKoIS).

So a ginormous thank-you goes out to every one involved in the conference (especially the Southern California Chapters of The Mystery Writers of America and Sisters In Crime, with special shouts out to Les Klinger, Laurie King, Robert Crais, and the incredibly gracious and supportive Naomi Hirohara).

Thanks, everybody!

Postmark Atlantis

2009-06-10T09:44:00.000-07:00

Since we're all about poetry these days, has anybody read Paul Tayyar's POSTMARK ATLANTIS yet? If you've heard me talk about Tayyar's poetry (his two previous collections are EVERYDAY MAGIC and SCENES FROM A GOOD LIFE), then you've heard me marvel at his ability to write happy poetry. I don't really understand happy poetry and honestly I don't get the purpose of it. Usually I even find it a little bit annoying. But somehow Tayyar makes it work. Perhaps its his ability to find just the right image or turn of phrase to keep the work honest and rooted in reality rather than sentimentality. Whatever it is, he has a gift for it, and it's cementing his reputation as poet.

So I was surprised to delve into his new collection, POSTMARK ATLANTIS, and find something different. Something darker and more haunting. Something Omar ZahZah, writing in the THE CHIRON REVIEW, calls "a mythic world of breathtaking beauty." It is that and more. As genuinely heartfelt and moving as Tayyar's previous collections are, there are layers of depth and complexity in POSTMARK ATLANTIS that reward me in ways that his previous work has not. Don't get me wrong. There are still a number of the author's trademark moments of hope and beauty, such as this from "The University of San Francisco": "You want to make love to each of their dreams/You want to tell them the church of their bodies/Is where faith begins." And it is into these moments of everyday magic that the darkness creeps. In one my favorite poems, "Grace," Tayyar begins to allow hints of this darkness to surface: "And when she showed you/How to carve the moon from the sky/Like a rumor from a tongue/you lay down beneath her in the darkness/And told her where it was you hurt."

He doesn't stop his descent there. Images of darkness and of the night itself are ever present in this collection. In poems such as "Night" and "Night Parable" and "Night Swimmer," the titles themselves are evocative of Tayyar's engagement with these ideas, as he heads into this new and uncharted territory.

In POSTMARK ATLANTIS, Paul Tayyar shows truly impressive range as a poet, depicting a landscape in which "Darkness is a god" and where all that can be seen "Is the silhouette of the damned." It's a world I hope he'll continue to bring into the light.

And Now, A Poem

2009-06-04T00:11:00.000-07:00

the fundamentalist agnostic

says
i don't know
if god exists
and neither
do you.

Upcoming Events

2009-06-02T16:46:00.000-07:00

Howdy folks,

Two big events to tell/remind you about next week.

First up, on Thursday, June 11, I'll be reading from AKoIS at the UCLA Extension Writer's Program Publication Party. Steve Cooper, also on the CSULB faculty will be reading, too, along with a number of other instructors from the program. It should be a good time! It's at 7:00 at very classy Skirball Cultural Center.

Then on Saturday, June 13, I'll be reading at ARTMATTERS LONG BEACH. This one sounds like fun, too. Here's a quote from the press release: "Devin O’Neill hosts series of dynamic and engaging presentations about the role of art in our lives, communities, and social dialog." It starts at 5:00 in The Dome Room (528 E. Broadway, Long Beach).

Come on out and have some infinite fun.

I Knew It!

2009-05-28T10:17:00.001-07:00

marriedtothesea.com

Thank You!

2009-05-18T18:39:00.000-07:00

A big, fat "thank you" to everyone who made it to the reading and made the evening a huge success. I can't tell you how rewarding it was to have such a large and welcoming crowd in the Beach Auditorium for the kick-off of A KING OF INFINITE SPACE.

And another thank you to all my Facebook friends who've joined the official A KING OF INFINITE SPACE group (Over three hundred so far! Woo Hoo!) If you're on Facebook and haven't joined, I hope you'll consider it. And if you have, I hope you'll invite any friends who might be interested. With your help, I think we can hit five hundred by the time by the book debuts on Amazon.

Around the same time AKoIS hits Amazon, the new website will be up as well. We'll have book samples (and a few audio samples of readings), a video or two, some other writing of mine (including 'Frequently Asked Questions') and a whole bunch of other fun stuff. But until we get it up and running, the Facebook group will be the online home of A KING OF INFINITE SPACE. So stop by and leave a comment on the board.

It's On!

2009-04-07T09:45:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody!

Mark your calendars. I'll be doing a big reading on May 8 at 7:30 p.m. on the CSULB campus. I'll be reading from A KING OF INFINITE SPACE and doing a Q&A. Maybe I'll even throw in a few poems. It's gonna be in the University Student Union in the Beach Auditorium. Woo Hoo! So be sure to come and bring a bunch of friends because it's got a lot of seats and I don't want to look silly. See you there!

Look at Me!

2009-04-03T18:05:00.000-07:00

I'm all famous on the Youtube! Go here and look. Well, listen. Just do both, okay?

A Cartoon, Like the Funny Kind, Only Different

2009-03-25T09:44:00.000-07:00

marriedtothesea.com

A Poem (in progress)

2009-03-24T11:08:00.000-07:00

Hey Everybody! Gonna have some big book news soon regarding readings and signings and fun stuff like that, but for now here's a bit of a poem I'm working on.

THE LOVE SONG OF J. ZOMBIE PRUFROCK

Brrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnsssssssssss.
Brrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnsssssss.
Braaaaaiiiinnns.
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnssss!
Brrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnssssss.
Brraaiinnss.

Brains.
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinn?
Brrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiinsssssssssssss.

Mmmmm mmmmmm mmmm. Grrrrr.

Party On

2009-03-16T14:29:00.001-07:00

marriedtothesea.com

Check Up

2009-03-09T15:00:00.001-07:00

marriedtothesea.com

Gobama

2009-03-02T00:25:00.000-08:00

I know I can be critical, but sometimes Big Irish makes me happy. Like when he says stuff like this:

"I know that the insurance industry won’t like the idea that they’ll have to bid competitively to continue offering Medicare coverage, but that’s how we’ll help preserve and protect Medicare and lower health care costs for American families. I know that banks and big student lenders won’t like the idea that we’re ending their huge taxpayer subsidies, but that’s how we’ll save taxpayers nearly $50 billion and make college more affordable. I know that oil and gas companies won’t like us ending nearly $30 billion in tax breaks, but that’s how we’ll help fund a renewable energy economy that will create new jobs and new industries.

"In other words, I know these steps won’t sit well with the special interests and lobbyists who are invested in the old way of doing business, and I know they’re gearing up for a fight as we speak. My message to them is this:

"So am I."

The righties are calling it class warfare. I really and truly hope it is.

Thank you, Jebus

2009-02-25T15:03:00.001-08:00

FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful

Adjuncting Toward Bethlehem

2009-02-16T09:33:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-13T16:05:00.000-08:00

Distinguishmentation

2009-02-10T13:59:00.000-08:00

Hey everybody. I've just finished applying for the Distinguished Faculty Teaching Award at CSULB and boy am I tired. By the time I compiled everything and put it all together, I realized I'd spent twenty-five hours on the thing and it was pushing a hundred pages. Had to include a personal statement, cv, letters of support, syllabi and other teaching materials, evaluations, and all manner of crap. The weird thing is you have do all this after you get nominated. I always thought when you got nominated for something, you just sat around basking in the warm glow until you won. Not so when it's the Cal State System, though. With us, you get nominated and then you go to work!

The real point of this post, though, isn't to complain. It's to express my gratitude to all the people who supported me in the process and who every now and again remind me that I do what I do for good reasons and that it does make a difference. So big fat thank yous to Alicia, Chad, Shaun, Gerry, Tim, and Eileen, and to everybody else out there who's ever had a hand in helping to get where I am and to do what I do. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

Unbreak My Heart

2009-02-01T19:17:00.000-08:00

Just in case you've been wondering about The Boss and Walmart, there's a pretty good interview in the NY Times in which he calls the whole thing a mistake. After talking to some people who have some inside info on the situation, Bruce gets a conditional pardon, because apparently Sony was behind the whole deal and was going to cause problems with Working on a Dream if he didn't agree to it. I think he's treading very lightly with what he says in the article and taking responsibility for something that he probably never wanted to do in the first place.

Plus, the new album is fucking awesome, so I pretty much have to let him off the hook or I'll be complicit with Walmart. And we can't be having that.

Sports

2009-02-01T17:26:00.000-08:00

I'm not exactly sure how this Superball thing works, but I'm pretty sure Bruce Springsteen just won the game.

The Wrestler

2009-01-30T00:42:00.000-08:00

I saw The Wrestler today. It's pretty good. It's not as good as the song, but when is the movie ever as good as the song? It did inspire me though. At least Marisa Tomei did. I don't want to go throwing any spoilers around, but I'm writing a little something about it. Might even turn out to be a poem. Can somebody remind what an ode is again?

Hell

2009-01-28T14:23:00.001-08:00

nataliedee.com

RIP, John Updike

2009-01-27T12:39:00.000-08:00

The NY Times says some good stuff.

Keep Hope Alive

2009-01-24T15:32:00.001-08:00

marriedtothesea.com

Corrections

2009-01-20T15:46:00.000-08:00

Two quick corrections to the last post. First, as Tracy very correctly points out, Big Irish didn't flub the oath, Roberts did. And after carefully reviewing the instant replay, it's clear that not only did Roberts flub it, but BI realized he flubbed and tried to compensate for it. So basically BI was just trying to save the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court from looking like a moron in front of a billion or so people. Second, I didn't give him credit for the other thing he did, which was to give a speech that was so kick-ass I'm actually starting to believe that rhetoric might save the world. If I'm not too lazy, I'll write more about it later. I need watch it a few more times.

Just Wondering

2009-01-20T09:23:00.000-08:00

I realize that all the inauguration hoopla is paid for with private contributions (but government money is paid for things like the Secret Service protection and other security and logistical matters). But hundreds of millions of dollars are being spent on the celebrification of Big irish and related partying and self-congratulation. Doesn't anyone realize he hasn't done anything (except flub the oath of office) yet? And even more importantly, can we please stop thinking our shit doesn't stink because we elected him?

Anyway, I'm wondering what else might have been done with all those inaugu-bucks. How many children could have gone to sleep tonight with a full stomach? How many deaths from from malaria or AIDS could have been prevented? How many teachers could have been paid and how many books bought?

And how did the inauguration turn into the biggest circle jerk in human history? Damn. Big Irish is president and I'm still ashamed to be an American.

Argument

2009-01-19T09:31:00.000-08:00

I can't figure out which is a greater gift to the welfare of humanity: Big Irish's inauguration or Youtube's Monty Python Channel. It's a tough call.

Speed Dating

2009-01-15T09:38:00.000-08:00

toothpastefordinner.com

Doucheocrats

2009-01-12T10:56:00.000-08:00

This is why Democrats suck and we're all going to suffer for it. Didn't they learn anything from the way the Republicans ruled the world for so long despite the fact that the majority of the public didn't like what they were doing? Here, Big Irish has massive popular support and he's going to get sunk by his own team. Democrats aren't just pussies, they're really stupid, too.

It Burns When I Urinate 2

2009-01-10T16:29:00.000-08:00

I just checked out the Google Analytics thingy that tells you everything you could possibly want to know about the people who visit your website. For some reason I absolutely love the fact that three people visited this blog because they googled the phrase "It Burns When I Urinate." Seems I titled a blog post after a poem I wrote with that name.

If anyone else should happen to find their way here by searching that phrase, welcome, and thank you for visiting. And please contact your healthcare provider.

Get Off My Lawn

2009-01-08T16:27:00.001-08:00

This afternoon we're going to break from our long and glorious tradition of reviewing movies we haven't seen, and talk instead about one that we actually have seen. I know this is a big departure, but this one justifies the break with our standard editorial practices.

One of the major factors in the success of any film (or story, for that matter) is the degree to which members of the audience can empathize or identify with the protagonist. This is so significant an element in narrative that it often moves beyond simple and straightforward empathy and identification and becomes something even stronger--a sort of wish fulfillment process in which we actually want to be the protagonist in question. We fantasize about being the character. His or her presence is such that we long to be him or her, to experience that which they experience in the narrative we encounter. This why we so often talk of movie heroes in such reverent tones--because we so deeply and sincerely want to be these characters.

I am, myself, usually above this sort of thing. The sophistication of my deep understanding of narrative and popular culture normally shields from such vulnerabilities.

But not now. Not today.

For I have seen Gran Torino. And to a far greater degree than I have ever experienced (well, maybe my reaction to Star Wars when I was eleven comes close), I have fallen victim to a wish-fulfillment fantasy that is beyond any reason or rationality.

I must be Walt Kowalski when I grow up.

I have always wanted to be a mean old man. In this film, one which Eastwood himself admits might be his final film performance, the star has finally portrayed a character so galvanizing in his bitterness and anger that he cultivates in me the kind of admiration and worship usually reserved for tweenage girls in regard to people of the Hannah Montana variety. Again, I simply must be Walt Kowalski when I grow up. Here is the apotheosis of mean old men. Here is the standard by witch all other mean old men must be measured. Here is a mean old man for all seasons. Here is the uber mean old mensch. And he is everything I dream of being.

Just watch this, and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. And though it's been said many times and many ways, this really is the shit. This is who I must be. Anything less and my entire existence will be a meaningless and pathetic failure.

Oh yeah, the movie's good too.

More on the Struggle

2009-01-08T11:22:00.000-08:00

Here's an interesting blog you might want to check out. I'll give it a try on the blog roll and see if it sticks.

More Selling Out?

2009-01-06T08:20:00.000-08:00

What I don't get is why everyone who supported Big Irish so strongly is now rationalizing and intellectualizing his behavior as he slowly republicanizes himself. Here's Joan Walsh from Salon.com letting him off the hook some more. How much is he going to be allowed to spit on his base before people start saying things?

Adjuncts Unite!

2009-01-05T09:23:00.000-08:00

Here's a good article from Inside Higher Ed that makes the case for something I've arguing in favor of for a while now--that adjunct faculty need to unite and unionize separately from tenured faculty if we ever hope to end our exploitation at the hands of the academic powers that be. Go, Gregory Zobel, go!

Now Cracks a Noble Heart 2

2009-01-02T09:19:00.000-08:00

Here's the email I sent to Bruce Springsteen the other day. I haven't heard anything in reply.

Dear Bruce,

First, let me thank you for thirty years of amazing music. Never has any artist or musician moved as much and as consistently as you have. I first saw you live on "The River" tour, and within a week I owned every album you'd released. I take it as point of pride that I've purchased each and every subsequent album on the day it was released. It was never enough just to hear your music, I had to hear it as soon as possible. And not once in all those years was I ever disappointed.

Sadly though, I am now. It was with a very heavy heart that I learned of your exclusive "Greatest Hits" album deal with Wal-Mart. For the first time since "Nebraska," I won't be buying an album of yours on the day it is released. In fact, I won't be buying it all. If anyone would have told me that a new Springsteen recording would be available and that I wouldn't first in line for it, I would not have believed them. Such a thing was unimaginable to me only a few weeks ago. But to see you doing something to put money in the pockets of the Walton family is such a profound disappointment to me that I'm afraid I am able to imagine it now.

In the past I took a number of people who were unfamiliar with your music to your live shows. None came away without a renewed opinion of you and your music. My favorite of these was when I brought a good friend to your LA show that opened the Staples Center. Your disgust at the elitism inherent in both the philosophy and the architecture that split the haves and the have-nots was palpable. That was the last time I went to an event at that venue, and the last time I ever will. What the Staples Center's design represents is exactly the same as what the Walton family and their "mart" represents--the exploitation of the everyman by the wealthy and privileged.

I don't believe I've ever been so saddened by the actions of an artist of whom I consider myself a fan. I hope there's a way I can move on and enjoy "Working on a Dream," but at this point, I can't imagine how that might be possible.

It's been an amazing ride, and I thank you for it. But I am deeply saddened that it may be at an end.

Sincerely,
Tyler Dilts

Cartoon Pedagogy

2009-01-02T09:04:00.000-08:00

nataliedee.com

King of Retrotaint

2008-12-31T09:48:00.000-08:00

In keeping with Infinite Space's long and illustrious tradition of reviewing movies without actually watching them first, a few words on Valkyrie.

First, I'm only just now realizing that I'm slightly disturbed by the fact that I just spelled the title correctly without looking it up.

Second, what's with the commercials? Why the fuck do we have interview footage with director Bryan Singer and douchebag Tom Cruise telling us that Hitler was, in point of fact, actually a bad guy?

Third, my favorite observation from the disturbingly high number of reviews I've read of this turd: "And maybe "Valkyrie" gets more interesting as it steams toward the climax because by that point, we're distracted from fixating on the almost uniformly lousy performances of the actors. A colleague of mine said that he thought "Valkyrie" would be memorable only because every single actor in it -- with one exception -- gives the worst performance of his career. I'm not sure he's completely right -- I think I've seen Tom Cruise much worse -- but he's got a point." (Thanks, Stephanie Zacharek from Salon!)

Fourth, kiss my hairy hairy ass Bryan Singer. You used to be cool when you were making things like The Usual Suspects, the first two X-Men movies and producing House. You started slipping with Superman Returns, but now you've gone and retrotainted the whole batch. Thanks. Thanks a fucking lot.

Fifth, as I watch the commercials over and over, I'm struck by one simple fact that overwhelms all these others--Tom Cruise is such a annoyingly talentless fuckwit that if I ever actually saw this turdtastic asslick of a movie, I'm absolutely positive that I'd be rooting for Hitler to kick the ass of Tom Lefty-Eyepatch Cruise. Actually though, maybe I should see it. I'm pretty sure it's gonna have a happy ending.

Now Cracks a Noble Heart

2008-12-30T00:48:00.000-08:00

Say it ain't so, Bruce. Please say it ain't so.

Ah, Grading

2008-12-29T12:45:00.000-08:00

toothpastefordinner.com

The Caretaker Exits

2008-12-25T07:55:00.000-08:00

Rest in peace, Harold Pinter. The British playwright and Nobel Prize winner who used his acceptance speech to attack Bush and Blair and their decimation of Iraq, died on Christmas Eve. I hope he got to open his presents early.

Just in Time For Christmas

2008-12-24T08:51:00.000-08:00

Here's some wonderful and joyous news from the world of book publishing. It looks like the new year will be a wonderful time to enter the world of writing and literature! Thank you, thank you, Salon!

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

An Excitable Boy

2008-12-24T08:39:00.000-08:00

Say what you will about Big Irish selling out every ideal his leftilicious supporters used to justify voting for him, buy you can spank my ass and call me Sissy before I'll admit that he is anything but a fine-looking piece of manhood.

Suck on that, Will Smith.

Good Pedagogy

2008-12-22T19:58:00.000-08:00

Check out this new Malcolm Gladwell thingy in The New Yorker. He suggests that it is very difficult to predict the success of future teachers (and quarterbacks) until you actually see them at work, involved in the game. The things that we believe will predict success--grades, intelligence, educational pedigree, any of the standard markers--are useless in actually predicting success. He makes some interesting points, but I'll let you read them yourself in the article.

What I found most interesting, though, was his discussion of what really does make teachers successful. It's a quality that one of his sources calls "withitness." That doesn't mean what I initially thought it might, that some sort of coolness or being "with it" in the pop cultural sense was at the heart of successful teaching. No. What it really refers to is the teacher being actually with the class, observing and interacting with them, aware of them, connected to them, able to understand their feelings, their perceptions, their levels of comprehension, and then being able to communicate with them in a manner that takes all those things into account and responds to them. He's absolutely right.

But the suggestion that this is in any way a new or fresh insight is silly. John Dewey hinted at it more than a century ago and Paulo Freire turned it into a revolutionary pedagogical philosophy. They just never coined a cute word like "withitness" to describe it. Gladwell's hip and cool right now (maybe because of his hair?) so hopefully people will listen.

Warm and Fuzzy

2008-12-22T09:00:00.001-08:00

Christmas is in the air! And nothing makes me feel more warm and fuzzy than a little Christopher Hitchens with my morning coffee.

Hey, Listen!

2008-12-21T19:00:00.000-08:00

Here's the best analysis yet of why the Bush shoe-ducking incident isn't just funny, but tragic too.

More Again Already

2008-12-20T15:10:00.000-08:00

Here's something else to check out. Charles May, a freshly retired lit professor from here at CSULB, has some good stuff to say about literature. You should go read it. Also, be sure to admire the breathtakingly wonderful blog layout. It is a thing of beauty.

Thanks to Christa for the link.

Howdy

2008-12-20T14:47:00.000-08:00

Been away for a while. Back now.

Here's a little something from Salon about why we should be storming Washington with torches and pitchforks.

And while you're there, check out this on Big Irish's latest fuck you to the people who elected him.

It's good to be back. I missed you.

More Death

2008-11-01T19:02:00.000-07:00

Rest in peace Tony Hillerman. And you, StudsTerkel. And even you, William Wharton. I feel like I'm reading way too many obituaries.

More on DFW

2008-10-21T08:53:00.000-07:00

Rolling Stone has some good stuff.

University Working Conditions

2008-10-14T15:35:00.001-07:00

It's no secret that part-time and nontenured college faculty are exploited by the institutions who employ them. And it's no surprise to hear people speak out about it. What is a surprise is to hear an actual administrator, someone who's done the exploiting himself, say something like this:

'"Wal-Mart is a more honest employer of part-time employees than are most colleges and universities,” said A.G. Monaco, senior human resources official at the University of Akron, and yet academics are “the ones screaming about how bad Wal-Mart is.” Academics “have to stop lying” about the way non-tenure-track professors are treated, he said.'

That's from Inside Higher Ed. You can read the whole thing here. And you can read more about it at The Chronicle of Higher Education.

Vindication

2008-10-09T11:02:00.000-07:00

And you all thought I was being silly way back when I quoted the masterpiece RED DAWN. Go here immediately so that I may bask in the glorious warmth of vindication. And just in case you forgot, here's a little bit of gold:

Powers Boothe: All that hate's gonna burn you up, boy.
Pony Boy: Naw. It keeps me warm.

I'm hoping that when they announce the Nobel for Literature later today, it goes to John Milius.

Vote Jersey!

2008-10-06T10:20:00.000-07:00

The Boss says we should vote for Obama:

"Hello Philly,

"I am glad to be here today for this voter registration drive and for Barack Obama, the next President of the United States.

"I've spent 35 years writing about America, its people, and the meaning of the American Promise. The Promise that was handed down to us, right here in this city from our founding fathers, with one instruction: Do your best to make these things real. Opportunity, equality, social and economic justice, a fair shake for all of our citizens, the American idea, as a positive influence, around the world for a more just and peaceful existence. These are the things that give our lives hope, shape, and meaning. They are the ties that bind us together and give us faith in our contract with one another.

"I've spent most of my creative life measuring the distance between that American promise and American reality. For many Americans, who are today losing their jobs, their homes, seeing their retirement funds disappear, who have no healthcare, or who have been abandoned in our inner cities. The distance between that promise and that reality has never been greater or more painful.

"I believe Senator Obama has taken the measure of that distance in his own life and in his work. I believe he understands, in his heart, the cost of that distance, in blood and suffering, in the lives of everyday Americans. I believe as president, he would work to restore that promise to so many of our fellow citizens who have justifiably lost faith in its meaning. After the disastrous administration of the past 8 years, we need someone to lead us in an American reclamation project. In my job, I travel the world, and occasionally play big stadiums, just like Senator Obama. I've continued to find, wherever I go, America remains a repository of people's hopes, possibilities, and desires, and that despite the terrible erosion to our standing around the world, accomplished by our recent administration, we remain, for many, a house of dreams. One thousand George Bushes and one thousand Dick Cheneys will never be able to tear that house down.

"They will, however, be leaving office, dropping the national tragedies of Katrina, Iraq, and our financial crisis in our laps. Our sacred house of dreams has been abused, looted, and left in a terrible state of disrepair. It needs care; it needs saving, it needs defending against those who would sell it down the river for power or a quick buck. It needs strong arms, hearts, and minds. It needs someone with Senator Obama's understanding, temperateness, deliberativeness, maturity, compassion, toughness, and faith, to help us rebuild our house once again. But most importantly, it needs us. You and me. To build that house with the generosity that is at the heart of the American spirit. A house that is truer and big enough to contain the hopes and dreams of all of our fellow citizens. That is where our future lies. We will rise or fall as a people by our ability to accomplish this task. Now I don't know about you, but I want that dream back, I want my America back, I want my country back.

"So now is the time to stand with Barack Obama and Joe Biden, roll up our sleeves, and come on up for the rising."

After you read that, check out his free 42 minute concert here. The words above begin at about 25 minutes in.

If you know me, you know about my undying and all-powerful man-crush on Bruce Springsteen. So maybe you'll understand why I feel like I shouldn't vote for Big Irish and why writing in Bruce's name for President of the United States sounds like the best idea I've heard in a long time.

Retrotaint Returns!

2008-10-03T09:15:00.000-07:00

I know, it's been a while since we've brought any fresh retrotainting to your attention, but we're back with an exciting (and slightly painful) fresh new example.

Dennis Lehane, author of books, usually swell ones, some of which have been in made into pretty good movies (see MYSTIC RIVER and GONE BABY GONE), is not only pretty douchey, but also a big fat retrotainter.

Let me splain. Lehane has big fancy new book out with some serious literary ambitions. In fact, the book got itself reviewed in ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY and they did a little side bar thingy interview with the author. It included the following passage:

''I'd say it's highly unlikely that I'll ever write another one,'' says the best-selling author of five Patrick Kenzie detective mysteries, including Gone Baby Gone, which was made into a movie last year by Ben Affleck. ''I was never comfortable with them anyway. I'd be writing these friggin' whodunits,'' he laughs, getting excited, ''and I could care less. I wanna tell everybody on page 2, he killed so-and-so, he done it! If you look at my books in that regard — and I'll be 100 percent honest about my flaws — you can see how I was whipping out the kitchen sink just to obscure s---, like the identity of the serial killer or whatever, and that's why the books got so labyrinthian in the last 100 pages.''

So what Douchey Lehane is really saying with that little quote is this--those Patrick Kenzie books are pretty lame, and if you like them you must have bad taste and be a little bit stupid. In effect, he's insulting all the people, including yours truly, who like those books and think they're good and really, if you're gonna be honest about, made it possible for him to write his pretentious literary doorstop.

So kudos, Dennis Lehane. In one fell swoop you've not only managed to insult me and hundred of thousands of people like me, but you've also thrown a whole big heap of retrotaint on your entire body of work. Kudos indeed!

PS--Briefly, for those of you who may not remember, or may not have been around in Infinite Space's early days, retrotaint is word I invented all by myself that means to take a work of yours that was once respected or admired, and by your subsequent actions, to retroactively taint said work and render it worthless. For example, every decent film of his from RISKY BUSINESS to MAGNOLIA was retrotainted when Tom Cruise went batshit on Oprah's couch. BRAVEHEART was retrotainted when Mel Gibson went full on, sugar-titted insane. Bill Clinton's presidency was retrotainted when he lied under oath in front of congress. See?

2008-09-29T12:45:00.000-07:00

Why can't Tina Fey be vice-president?

Newman's Own

2008-09-27T12:55:00.000-07:00

Another good bye, this time to Paul Newman. He was great actor, sure, but here's what you should really know about him.

2008-09-26T08:54:00.000-07:00

Here's some more good stuff about David Foster Wallace, who's still dead. This one is for if you're ready to laugh a little bit, and this one is for if you're not quite there yet.

Joe Biden, Fuckwit

2008-09-25T08:34:00.000-07:00

For everyone out there, including myself, who thought Joe Biden was actually smarter than Sarah Palin, you should be aware that he actually claimed that President Franklin Roosevelt went on TV when the Stock Market crashed. Just in case you don't see the problem there, Jon Stewart will explain it:

Just a note for Jon, though: Beretta also makes shotguns. Oops.

A Reminder

2008-09-24T12:07:00.000-07:00

Just a quick reminder for those of you who expressed interest--this Sunday, September 28, I'll be on a panel at the West Hollywood Book Fair. It's called "Fooling Readers While Playing Fair: Tricks of the Mystery Writing Trade," and it'll be happening at 10:30 on the stage in the Mystery and Suspense Pavilion. I think it's going to be a lot of fun. Come on down and check it out.

UPDATE: The West Hollywood Book Fair has officially misspelled my name! Watch out everybody, here comes Tyler Dylts!

James Crumley, RIP

2008-09-23T18:52:00.000-07:00

From the New York Times Obituary:

"James Crumley, a critically acclaimed crime novelist whose drug-infused, alcohol-soaked, profanity-laced, breathtakingly violent books swept the hard-boiled detective from the Raymond Chandler era into an amoral, utterly dissolute, apocalyptic post-Vietnam universe, died on Wednesday . . . If (Raymond) Chandler and Hunter S. Thompson had collaborated to produce a literary offspring, Mr. Crumley would unquestionably have been the result. In just seven private eye novels he carved out a genre that might properly be called gonzo gumshoe, set mostly in the back alleys, seedy bars and wild, forbidding countryside of Montana."

If that's not enough to make you want to read his work, then I'll add that THE LAST GOOD KISS is maybe the best P.I. novel anybody ever wrote.

Pussies

2008-09-23T12:40:00.000-07:00

Doucheocrat Joe Biden says this ad is too harsh on Republicunt John McCain. This is why the pussies keep losing.

The First Day of Fall

2008-09-22T17:05:00.000-07:00

Welcome to fall, my most favoritest season. The only thing I don't like about the season is the incessant twittering of the tenureds in their too too sharp back-to-school screeches. Here's one whiney bitch who actually got his in the New York Times.

Lipstick On A Pig

2008-09-20T09:28:00.000-07:00

George Saunders gets to the bottom of things:

   "Explaining how she felt when John McCain offered her the Vice-Presidential spot, my Vice-Presidential candidate, Governor Sarah Palin, said something very profound: “I answered him ‘Yes’ because I have the confidence in that readiness and knowing that you can’t blink, you have to be wired in a way of being so committed to the mission, the mission that we’re on, reform of this country and victory in the war, you can’t blink. So I didn’t blink then even when asked to run as his running mate.”
   Isn’t that so true? I know that many times, in my life, while living it, someone would come up and, because of I had good readiness, in terms of how I was wired, when they asked that—whatever they asked—I would just not blink, because, knowing that, if I did blink, or even wink, that is weakness, therefore you can’t, you just don’t. You could, but no—you aren’t.
   That is just how I am."

There's more at The New Yorker. Go. Read it. It's funny, and incisive, and a little bit scary.

Straight Talk

2008-09-17T13:18:00.001-07:00

Click on the image for a larger view of everybody's favorite Republicunt.

A Joke

2008-09-17T13:12:00.001-07:00

Q: What's the difference between a Democratic politician and a Republican politician?

A: After raping your children, the Democrat will feel a touch of guilt.

I heard that today, and it struck me that it wasn't a joke so much as it was a completely accurate rendering of my political beliefs.

Also True But Not So Funny

2008-09-16T12:59:00.000-07:00

Yes, John McCain really did this.

Thanks to Jen for the link.

It's Funny Because Its True

2008-09-16T09:19:00.001-07:00

Just In Case

2008-09-14T22:22:00.000-07:00

You don't know where DFW's biggets book (and my lost blog post) got the name. It makes me sad. But then DFW did tell Charlie Rose several years ago that he thought INFINITE JEST was a sad book and didn't really get why everybody talked about it being so funny. Anyway, here's that bit from HAMLET:

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow
of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath
borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how
abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rims at
it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know
not how oft. Where be your gibes now? your
gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment,
that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one
now, to mock your own grinning? quite chap-fallen?
Now get you to my lady's chamber, and tell her, let
her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must
come; make her laugh at that.

Hmmmm. Hmmmm, indeed.

Infinite Jest

2008-09-14T16:12:00.000-07:00

You've probably heard about David Foster Wallace by now. If you haven't, start here. And this is pretty good place to stop next. And this is worth the time, too. Ultimately, though, I hope you'll wind up here.

Shut the Fuck Up, Old Man

2008-09-05T09:25:00.000-07:00

Dear John McCain,

Please stop calling me your friend. I am not your friend. I used to have a tiny bit of respect for you back when you tried to clean up campaign financing and talked about global warming before just about everybody except Al Gore was taking it seriously. But since you shit on every principle you ever had in your egomaniacal quest to become king of the universe, now I see you for what you really are: a failure of a pilot who was so incompetent at dropping napalm on women and children that he got shot down by people with technology fifty years behind the curve and spent five years kissing their backward asses. So stop calling me your friend. It really makes me want to puke. Thanks.

PS--Make Sarah Palin shut the fuck up, too.

Kiki Said

2008-09-04T09:07:00.000-07:00

Kiki said this is funny. She is absolutely right. Enjoy!

The First Day of School

2008-09-02T10:46:00.000-07:00

And that means just one thing.

Long pants.

Goodbye, summer!

Asparagus Bastards

2008-08-30T12:38:00.000-07:00

nataliedee.com

Teaching News

2008-08-30T12:27:00.001-07:00

Hey everybody. An interesting development on the teaching front. I'm developing a brand new class for the UCLA Extension Writer's Program. It's called "Building Narrative: The Essentials of Structure for Fiction Writers." It sounds like its going to be lot of fun. It'll be an online class the first time around, but then if that goes at all well, it will also be offered in person. Woo Hoo! Don't surprised if I get all uppity when I get my UCLA email address.

Really Really Awful

2008-08-29T18:01:00.000-07:00

This commercial is so annoying and moronic that it's almost enough to make me vote in favor of revising the state constitution. Almost. Please, someone, make them stop.

Funny

2008-08-29T15:07:00.001-07:00

John McCain's Ass

2008-08-29T09:24:00.000-07:00

Has anybody else noticed that everybody at the Doucheocratic National Convention got all Marc Antony up in John McCain's ass? The only thing they left out was the "Friends, Romans, countrymen" bit. Just in case you could use a Julius Caesar refresher, here's the whole speech:

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones;
So let it be with Caesar. The noble Brutus
Hath told you Caesar was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Caesar answer'd it.
Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest--
For Brutus is an honourable man;
So are they all, all honourable men--
Come I to speak in Caesar's funeral.
He was my friend, faithful and just to me:
But Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is an honourable man.
He hath brought many captives home to Rome
Whose ransoms did the general coffers fill:
Did this in Caesar seem ambitious?
When that the poor have cried, Caesar hath wept:
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is an honourable man.
You all did see that on the Lupercal
I thrice presented him a kingly crown,
Which he did thrice refuse: was this ambition?
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And, sure, he is an honourable man.
I speak not to disprove what Brutus spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love him once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, to mourn for him?
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;
My heart is in the coffin there with Caesar,
And I must pause till it come back to me.

You see the rhetoric there? MA says over and over that Brutus is an honorable man, then turns right around and talks about how full of shit he is. Sound familiar? It's the same rhetorical strategy that Kerry, Clinton and Biden let loose on McCain--John McCain is a hero, a friend of mine, a good man, but look how full of shit he is. See that?

So at first I'm thinking cool, get all Shakespearean on that Republicunt bastard! But then I remembered I'm in America and that anything with even a whiff of irony or rhetorical complexity will sell just about as well as brie-and-caviar flavored Doritos, and I had to ask myself if the Doucheocrats really are the bunch of worthless fucktards they seem to be.

As John Stewart pointed out last night, do you really think anybody at the RNC next week is going to call Big Irish a hero? It makes me worry that I'm going have to start getting used to the phrase "President McCain."

Oh, Yeah, And This Too

2008-08-27T08:19:00.000-07:00

Joe Biden's some serious weird-ass plagiarist.

And So It Begins

2008-08-27T08:17:00.000-07:00

I know I've been critical of Big Irish, but still. How much of this are we gonna have to deal with? And are we gonna be able to stop it all?

Cheer Down

2008-08-19T12:43:00.000-07:00

And read this. I think he's on to something.